Samantha (scrmofthbttrfly) wrote in the_skin_within,
Samantha
scrmofthbttrfly
the_skin_within

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co-mod//my theme post

In between my grades slipping, a growing addiction, and problems with myself (that all teen girls, and teen guys suffer from), I've been a bit of a wreck lately. It came to a head last Wednesday when I had a mental breakdown in school. I'm not sure how many of you cry in school, or how often you do it, but the last time I cried in school, other than when my friend died last year, I was in fifth grade. I'm now a sophmore in high school. Last week, I was terribly sick. It started out as a usual cold, and escalated into a painful ear ache, and Wednesday was the peak of my sickness. Third hour I have Geometry, a class in which I have a 46-something-percent in, and the teacher...well, to put it nicely, she has a bit of an addiction herself, so she's sometimes incapable of being a proper teacher. Sick as I was, I had my head resting on my desk, and yawned. All I heard was a loud pop then complete silence in my left ear. Needless to say, I was freaking out! I thought I had popped my ear drum, so I hurried to the nurse. She checked it out, and it turned out to be fine. She sent me back to class, and my teacher scolded me for one reason or another, and I simply lost it. In a matter of seconds, I turned into a screaming, bawling mess, and I buried my face in my arms. For the rest of the period, I blamed me crying on the ear ache, and no one talked to me. I couldn't stop crying. My face was raw, my eyes were red, my nose was running--surely no vision of beauty. I ended up going home after that hour. When my mom asked me what was wrong, I told her that I feel as though I am drownding in an ocean of acedemic failure. She wanted to help me, so we went to the store, and came up with a bunch of ideas on how to help me stay organized. I picked up a planner, which has been helping a lot, and sticky notes have defiantly came in handy. When I got the chance later that night, I cleaned out my backpack, and put all my new folders and binders in there neatly. My mom had also taken me back to school to clean out my locker during 7th hour. In one day, I went through some kind of organizational (is that a word?) reform, and now things are getting better. When my grades improve, I'm hoping that I am going to be doing a lot better because then I won't have so much stress riding on me. Hopefully, nothing like that happens again.

Part two to my tough times as of late. How many best friends do you have? I'm talking about the people who you love, and cherish just like your own family. The ones who you could hardly live without if anything bad happened, and you would do anything just so they could be happy. I myself have two. One of these is a boy named Kyle. He doesn't live where I live, and I met him over the internet. Now, I know some of you are probably thinking "Grow up and don't fall in love over the internet!!" but one, I'm not in love with him, and two, though he's nothing but a computer screen, it's the words he types that make me feel like I have someone who really cares. Cheesy, right? Anyway, I've known Kyle for almost two years now. We met on a community forum for self-injurers. He was unstable, I was unstable, and we both needed someone to confide in, so we talked a bit, and to be honest, I didn't like him that much at first, but the more I got to know him, the more I adored him, and the friendship he gave me. I love inside jokes, and there's at least 20 between he and I. Well, a lot of things have happened, there's been a lot of fights, and a lot of bad memories. The thing is, none of them compare to the good memories, and the conversations that lasted until 6 or 7am in the morning that had started at 10pm the previous night. Lately, we haven't been getting along. Mostly my fault because I had been neglecting my part of the friendship, and it was a bit one-sided. Anyway, there was a small argument, but nothing too big. Then he did E. Earlier, I talked about having my own addiction. I'm a bit of a pothead, but I'm cutting back because it's causing problems, so I if anyone has no room to be telling others not to do drugs, but E? No. I have a problem with that. When I found out, instead of talking it out, I said "Fuck You." He tried to be nice, but I pushed him a little too far, and he snapped by calling me a "FUCKING BITCH." That's when the fight pretty much grew out of hand. The next day, which was yesterday, we exhanged a few bitter comments on LJ, but nothing extreme, and then I wrote an entry about it, and he, being more responsible than me, talked to me first. We talked everything out, and I cried A LOT. It was really flippin' emotional, but I handled it well, and now things are doing better. I'm really hoping that they keep getting better because for a while, I felt really empty. It's going to be hard, but who doesn't love a challenge? Soooo that's it. Ta-da?
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